Wondering how to deal.....

What do you do when a friend cares too much about something they don't quite understand?


So what am I to do, with no one to confide in… keep it all bottled up inside?
Love it, but I hate it just the same.
It wears on me like a rushing river on the hardest of rocks, but warms me like the hot shining sun. So, where do I turn and what bridges do I burn?
Do I let it all out and make my friends pout and others jump about?
Do I bury it alive and hope it dies somewhere deep inside?
I’m okay; I’ll be just fine, just leave me alone and bear in mind… things aren’t always as they appear.
So, take my hand and be my friend; have no fear… I’m always here.

How Old?

I was reminded today that no matter how old we are, we are still all ages up to our current age. While fixing a frozen pizza during a lazy Saturday afternoon, my roommate and I were puttering around the house: doing dishes, cleaning showers, straightening up the house and chatting. I had a lot I wanted to get done but knew that I wouldn't get hardly anything accomplished today, but, I would try. My pizza was done and I was finishing up some last minute dishes that I had hoarded in my room (oops). I grabbed some veggies from the fridge along with my pizza and headed out of the kitchen to my room. On the way out, I grabbed the last of the cardboard my pizza was packaged with and attempted to toss it in the trash. As I bent down to assure a 'hole in one' in the trash, a slice of my pizza went flying off my plate and into the living room, spreading pizza sauce and crust crumbs in its path. Disgusted, I hurriedly set down my plate and went for the pizza. The sauce did a number on our already stained carpet. As I was expressing my embarrassment and clumsiness, I snorted, " I thought I was done with this when I quit babysitting!" My roommate giggled and said, "No, we will always do stuff like that. You might be 23 but, you are still 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17..... " So, yes, for all those times when we react or act immature or slip and do something silly, it's still us. We are still all those ages. Guess we never grow up :). There's no wonder in my mind now while older people struggle the most.... They have more ages inside them struggling to get free. It's a silly thought, but it helped ease my embarrassment and see things a little differently. So thanks roomy! :)

I think its time for Spring!.... Please!!!

This winter was my first full winter in Minnesota. Not sure how to feel about it, but I must say it leaves me wanting sand, sun and palm trees all the more. :) According to the calendar, (and not native Minnesotans) spring is around the corner. The weather around here is taunting us all with above freezing temperatures and partly sunny days! It’s been quite nice. But, no sooner do we start to enjoy these balmy days and it drops 20 degrees and snows! Hence, ice has been a prominent factor in walking and driving conditions. I, myself, have had a few encounters…. None of them flattering….
One of the first times spring peeked its head around the corner, I decided that it was okay to “run” the garbage outside in just my pjs (consisting of sweats and a t-shirt and a zip-up hoodie). I threw on some shoes that were by the door and trotted outside and through the backyard that quite slippery considering it had melted and frozen up again. Our path through the yard to our cars became a little slushy and then froze up, creating frozen footprints and uneven ground. I decided just to run across the untouched snow to avoid any calamity (see, I was attempting to be cautious). I literally ran through the yard and past the cars and thought I had reached the trash in the alley in the clear and then WHAM! Yeah, that “wham” was me slipping on the ice, going airborne and landing on my hip and knee. I bounced across the ice at the end of our driveway… garbage still in hand. When I stopped, I blinked and looked around. Garbage was safe and as far as I could tell, no one had seen me… I hoped. I stood up, limped to the trash, deposited it in the receptacle and then limped my way carefully and quickly back to the house thinking that would have looked really cool on video! I had a bruise on my hip for weeks. It sucked.
Scenario number 2. It was a common occurrence for me to get stuck in my driveway when it snowed. I don’t have 4-wheel drive in my new vehicle (a mistake I won’t make again) and so when it snowed at all, I would get about ¾ way up my drive and then the tires would just spin. It was a royal pain but it also allowed me to get some quality shoveling time in. Just a quick fyi… our drive way is about 20 feet long and about 10 foot wide with a slight incline (not large at all). So one day, it snowed thick and heavy all day. I got stuck 2 times on my way home. Once it took me about 4 light changes to get out of this intersection and the second time it was about 3 light changes and some people got out of their cars and pushed me out of the intersection. Dumb. So, I got home and got stuck in the driveway (of course). I was shoveling my frustrations away and whoops! I apparently thought it was appropriate to bow on one knee to pay my respects to the crap that kept falling and covering up everything I was shoveling. Under all the white crap was ice. So, I took an involuntary knee and another nasty bruise.
My last direct contact with the nice ice (besides all the slipping, sliding, arm flailing and wobbling that happened everyday) was a few days ago when I got home from a long day at work. It had been sunny that day and probably reached 35 degrees or so. I was in okay spirits as I opened my car door and put one foot out on the ground. As I shifted my weight to remove myself from the vehicle, I feel my foot slide and then next thing I know, I’m doing some form of the splits. I have one leg in the car and the other on my knee on the ice. I couldn’t help but laugh. This whole winter I have slipped and skidded and even almost fell once in the alley with a short skirt and boots on (no I wasn’t hooking). I know I haven’t been the only girl in our house that has done some slipping and sliding. I just really hope that our neighbors haven’t been in cahoots with each other to see who can get the Funniest Home Video! Yes…. I cannot wait until spring really gets here!!!

Beautiful Letdown

It is a disgrace, yet a useful reminder, that you cannot trust and believe what people (in general) say. It is, in fact, their actions that prove to ring truth and judgement. Mere words can persuade, soothe, excite and disappoint a person. But, the acts before, after and during those words are what makes them honest, demolishes them or begs a complete contradiction. It has always been natural for me to take words for honest truth (yes, you can say gullible if it makes you feel better). Over the years I have been through some tough situations and put myself in some tough situations.... BUT, I never seem to learn that people don't always tell the truth. In their defense, they may have felt what they said at the time, or truely believed in what they were saying at that moment... Never the less, actions won out over time and painted them in black and white, liars and make-believers.
I don't believe in New Years Resolutions. But, I have come to the conclusion that maybe this year, I should start. Start with training myself to wait for the actions to prove the words instead of taking the words for gospel truth. Maybe then I wouldn't always set myself up for failure.

View of the City

So. I found out the other day (only because I was severely late for work) that there is an invigorating view of Minneapolis from the top floor of my parking garage. My being late for work at put me in a semi-awful disposition and the fact that I couldn't find any open spaces on the floor I usually parked on, made it that much worse. So, in my disgust, I floored my lovely Edge to the very top of the parking garage and decided a little hike down 5 flights of stairs might help cool my mood. When I reached the top and veered off to the right, I was taken aback by the view. I know we're not very far from downtown but the way the sun hit the buildings just made me grin all over. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera. But, it was exactly the enlightening boost I needed. So, here are two photos I took, one when it was snowing (yes... it does snow here in MN) and the other I took one afternoon. I will get a good morning sunrise picture up soon.... Enjoy! :)

Those Things

This is to "those things" no matter how little or how large that change us for the better or worse.

Empty, alone, broken, unhinged.
Completed some things I never should have done.
Scared for myself and what is to come,
Knowing my actions will end up on the menu
Probably under “appetizers, main entrees, regrets and never should-have-beens”
All in different sizes to quench any appetite for destruction

Wanting to turn back and change it all but knowing it wouldn’t be worth it.
Trying to learn and ask forgiveness of what I am ashamed to have done.
Wishing I could forget and hoping it goes unnoticed..
I sit here and live.

My Little Gecko's Return

I'm trying desperately to ignore the fact that it's past my time to get up when suddenely someone is rapping on my door. "I found her, I found her" I hear Megan shout urgently! I sit up in bed as Meg opens the door. I screech, "Where is she??" Her response,..... "RIGHT IN MY HAND!" I bolt out of bed and direct Meg to put Amali in her tank immediately! Megan explained that as she was getting ready that morning she just happen to see Amali on the floor in the living room... did a double take and went for her. I am SO happy words can't describe... So thank you Meg for saving my sanity!!!! Amali has returned and seems to be happy, healthy and a little scared of human interaction. She is doing well so far and was eager to eat and drink! She spent about 4 days roaming our house and noone but Ms. Amali knows where her travels took her. I'm just glad she came home. :)