For You - If You Still Read This

This goes out to a person who I used to call a really good friend. Last time I heard from you, I received a sweet and ironic tune. This is my tune for you. I hope you are well.

"Scars"

I tear my heart open,

I sew myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

And my scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

I'm pissed cause you came around

Why don't you just go home

Cause you channel all your pain

And I can't help you fix yourself

You're making me insane

All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

And our scars remind us that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once

Against my own advice

I saw you going down

But you never realized

That you're drowning in the water

So I offered you my hand

Compassion's in my nature

Tonight is our last stand

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

You shouldn't ever come around

Why don't you just go home?

Cause you're drowning in the water

And I tried to grab your hand

And I left my heart open

But you didn't understand

Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

The Good Life

She sings the song from the bottom of her soul

Tears running down her tired face

"It's Gotta Be The Good Life"

She walks alone with a heavy heart

Only dreaming of a fresh start

"This Could Really Be A Good Life"

She tries to hold her head up high

Knowing she's wound up back where it all began

"It's Gotta Be The Good Life"

With a deep sigh she picks up the phone

The time has come to let it all out

"This Could Really Be A Good Life"

However he takes the news, she knows

She did what she had to with nothing to loose

"It's Gotta Be The Good Life"

YUP!! :)

I CAN do this...

I AM strong enough...

I WILL get past/through this...

CAPABLE me.

"Honestly OK" by Dido

Speaking from my heart today.....

"I just want to feel safe in my own skin

I just want to be happy again

I just want to feel deep in my own world

but I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore

On a different day, if I was safe in my own skin

Then I wouldn't feel so lost and so frightened.

But, this is today and I'm lost in my own skin..."

That Silly Little Thing Called....

I hate that place between yes and no,

Right between maybe and probably,

Fits in next to unsure and definitely.

That’s one place I don’t want to go…

Somehow, I always have a one way ticket there and end up having to hitchhike home.

Maybe someday I’ll be handed a ticket to a real destination.

for the record...

I recently have experienced some events that have made me consider my actions/thoughts on things. My reason for this post is just to remind me in another year, six months, twelve years.. whatever... that I noticed this and felt this way at some point in my life.

There is definitely something to be said for poor decision making and the human mind. Now, what my opinion is on that will stay in my thoughts...

But the evidence of thought processes, lack of thinking actions through, failing to consider the consequences/outcomes and the lack of ability to complete said processes without an ounce of maturity has blown my mind.

That quote that goes something like... "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt" has been running over and over in my head.

I just hope I don't find myself fitting any of the above descriptions. I hope I can find it in me to tolerate and dismiss any of the above that I may come in contact with in the future.

Just a thought

I'm a rushing, chugga-chugga-choo-choo, train headed down the wrong tracks...

I'm a salmon trying so desperately to swim upstream...

I'm a lost child in a sea of people at the street fair...

I'm a wandering soul, searching, traveling the world over...

I'm a speeding car, driving down the wrong side of the highway...

I'm an ignorant tourist in a foreign land...

I'm a pocket full of quarters when the machine only takes dollar bills...

So what makes you wonder why I don't fit in?

confession

It has occurred to me that things worth waiting for can be painful.

Sometimes they aren't always what you think.

Occasionally, they really aren't what you should have had in the first place.

For the first time in a long while, I hurt.
I ache, like heartache.
I mean, you have your normal pride-ache and ego-ache... but, I haven't let myself get close to anyone for fear of entanglements of the heart.

This one snuck up on me.

Heck, I didn't even realize how I truly felt before it was really too late.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything, never seemed like the right time.
Or maybe that was God's way of telling me it isn't right or isn't what's right, right now.

Regardless, it aches. I had forgotten what it is like to feel that.
I would prefer to forget and never feel it again.

Maybe it's what was planned so that I can remember that others feel this too...

Maybe on the account of my actions. Maybe not.

It could be a sore reminder that I have a heart. Bitter - it is. Yet still requires care and feeding.

But, regardless of my pondering, I know I'll do what I do best.

I'll bury it... Hide it... Patch it... Try my best to forget it...

Try even harder to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Things..

I have come to the conclusion that I do not like myself...

I do not like the way I let people come into my life and take control. I have once again let that happen after I vowed not to let it happened again.

I've heard it's a personality trait... but I'm not down with that. There is no reason some other human being needs to control my life.. unknowing or not.

It's time for me to find my own life or create it...

I've found that there is nothing better than a hot summer day or friends/family that accept you for what you are and what you aren't.

Nothing better than being out in the country, big trucks, fast cars, family and feeling like you have accomplished something for the day.

I'm sure there is nothing better than phone calls/texts/messages/pictures from your family/nieces/nephews to brighten the day.

Appreciating the small things today.

on the fly

My lips are sealed.

I swear, I won't say a word.

Run away with me and not a peep will be heard.

What we did can't be undone and none will be the wiser.

So, let's go away and play all day and forget we were....

Shhhhhhh....

Just Thinkin'

There's only so much you can do before you make yourself turn blue.

Take a breath.

Open wide; your heart, your mind and step aside.

What you can do is never enough for those who look on and simply judge.

So, go on now.

Live.

Don't worry about what other people give.

Yeah, Yeah....

Some say.....

But, I know....

It's just the same old love song.....

no words

Pathetic, useless, worn down & torn,

Please tell me the reason I was born.



This hell I've created

has me suffocated.



Guess it's time I open my eyes for a change.

Just The Way It Is

All the words to every man hatin' song

shes got tattooed on her heart.

The 'Don't Mess With Me' attitude

is printed all over her t-shirt.

If you choose to do her wrong,

you'll set her anger in motion.

But, if she's ever treated right,

That will be the day she'll see the light.

Wits End

set out to learn some self discipline. oh help me.

Ironic, Don't You Think?

Wall to wall people

They wait anxiously to be booked, boarded and flown to their destination.

Each their own agenda, their own things to remember,

All forgetting their journey may be surrendered.



So, Stop and take stock of what your life has been...

You never know... this may be the very end.

Too Much Thinking

What's around us will drown us with all its worthless wonder,
So look within yourself and deeper, dig around and plunder.

Please share with me what you can find and tear it open wide,
After you're through, I'll share with you and then we both can hide.