confession

It has occurred to me that things worth waiting for can be painful.

Sometimes they aren't always what you think.

Occasionally, they really aren't what you should have had in the first place.

For the first time in a long while, I hurt.
I ache, like heartache.
I mean, you have your normal pride-ache and ego-ache... but, I haven't let myself get close to anyone for fear of entanglements of the heart.

This one snuck up on me.

Heck, I didn't even realize how I truly felt before it was really too late.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything, never seemed like the right time.
Or maybe that was God's way of telling me it isn't right or isn't what's right, right now.

Regardless, it aches. I had forgotten what it is like to feel that.
I would prefer to forget and never feel it again.

Maybe it's what was planned so that I can remember that others feel this too...

Maybe on the account of my actions. Maybe not.

It could be a sore reminder that I have a heart. Bitter - it is. Yet still requires care and feeding.

But, regardless of my pondering, I know I'll do what I do best.

I'll bury it... Hide it... Patch it... Try my best to forget it...

Try even harder to ensure it doesn't happen again.