Next, please!

You know that feeling you get when you stand at the edge of a cliff or a tall, tall building?

That rush of fear, anxiety and excitement?

The suspense of what might happen next...

A leap, a flight, a fall...?

On the edge of... something.

That's where you'll find me; waiting for what happens next! :)

It's been a grand past few days :)

Problems? you say,
Troubled? you think.

Take a drink &

a really hard think......

Maybe all your reflection
Is a mere detection
Of issues of your own?

If nothing comes of it;
Have a good day &
Leave me alone!

Just tired...

Is it awful that I'd rather die than deal with any of this anymore?

I'm just tired of petty people, tired of sneaky snakes and smart mouths, tired of not knowing what my job is, tired of waiting for a change to happen, tired of the necessity of money, tired of depending on the weather, tired of trying to fit into my clothes, tired of watching what I eat, tired of the same daily routine and... tired of not having any ambition to change any of it.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

My costume for work today... Batgirl! :)

The Hard Way

He said they were like poison... and Dang, I should have listened.
Now I sit here in aw as my eyes tear up and glisten.

No good could come of it and all of their lies and stories,
Would only take root and grow like morning glories.

But, what's done is done and nothing can be fixed.
They'll find another to use their nasty bag of tricks.

Today's Thoughts

Recently I've been made aware of an unfortunate situation that I have little to no power of changing/helping at this point in time.

It's made me re-evaluate myself and the way I interact with others.

Also, it's made me really appreciate those people in my life that are selfless, kind and humble.

I just hope that, in time, things will work out for the better for all involved.

That feeling...

Ya know that feeling that lands in the pit of your stomach like a ton of bricks?
That one that leaves you feeling lost and empty after losing that guy/girl that meant the world to you?
The feeling that there isn't anything left to live for?
Yeah.. that one.
I wish it would go away...
I know that I haven't lost anyone recently and I know I have a lot to live for.
But, it's there...
Feeling.. if you read this, please just go away and leave me alone!!!
Thank you!

Today's Choice

All the paths my life could take, looking at the options, what if I make a mistake?
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, spin in a circle and point out the next step.
I open my eyes to the destiny before me and realize my choice should have been made for me.
So, on my knees, I turn to Him who knows best, and pray for guidance and hope for the best.

Surgery Complete

5:30am came mighty quick on Wednesday morning. But, with Jillayne's encouragement, we crawled out of bed, got hospital ready and packed up our things and were in the car shortly after 6:00am. We were able to park, get in the building and were directed to the Surgery Registration quite promptly. There, I signed my rights away and then was ushered off to the waiting area to get prepped for surgery.

Jay was a trooper. She waited with me and then after I was gowned and all set up for the Anesthesiologists, they let her come sit with me again. Then came the IVs and drugs and hair net... Then, from what I remember, I was rolled out and up to the operating room. I remember the nurses and doctors asking how many sisters I had and I remember their reactions... Then, I remember waking up in the recovery unit asking if I was ready to go in for surgery yet. :) Oops!

Recovery was great. I was moved through two stages of recovery and with the second one, Jay was able to come back and be with me (and bring me my clothes). They took my vitals and gave me pain meds, and ice pack and a Popsicle. I had the sweetest nurse and before I knew it, they let me get dressed and we were heading for the car! (this was about 11:00am) Once we got in the car, I was pretty snoozy... But, we stopped at Target at Ridgedale for some last minute things, then at Walmart (close to Jillayne's) for Popsicles and ice cream! :)

Jay has really been a peach; made me homemade frozen yogurt, pudding, brings me my meds and ice packs and makes sure i'm comfy. Turbo even came to greet me last night and didn't want to leave my room! :) He's a sweety. Today, I took a walk around the farm to see what had changed and see the guys and Turbo found me and wouldn't leave my side. I think he might know I'm a little under the weather.

All in all, it's been a favorable experience! Thanks to my awesome friends, I have plenty of magazines, books and movies to keep myself occupied with! Thank you again!! :) Jay did take some pictures, so I might try to post some at a later date :)

"Quarter of a Century"

Turning 25 wasn't so bad....

I had cupcakes the size of small rodents,

a huge bouquet of lilies and roses,

was taken off campus for lunch

(I ate so much I thought I might die)

and accidently felt up the waitress

(who quickly confirmed her breasts were fake.. NOT),

worked late,

ate a large deLite Papa Murphy's pizza (all. by. myself.)

and was in bed by 8pm.

GO ME! :)

In short, I work with some great people, who contantly remind me I'm not all that old :)

Thank you! :)

Thought for today

The winds of change are never too far away....

be careful what you do,

as they may

go

or

stay...

*tonsils out*

August 25th @ 7:45am

My lovely sister Jillayne will be my nurse.

She is coming down the night before to help me prep

and then will take me in that morning at 6:15am (ugh).

Then, I will be escorted back to her place for the rest of the week and weekend!

(isn't she sweet!!?!)

It hasn't really set in yet... But, i'm sure it will :)

SwollenNeckEm

:) that's me these days... so tomorrow... I'm going in for my surgery consultation to have my tonsils removed... :) i'll be back with the 'big day' date.. ugh.

Wish me luck!

*Results*

So, the biopsies came back clean! No cancer here!! :) I have a clean bill of health :) They just want to see me back in a year...

Now to remove those darn tonsils...

Miracle Week Concluded...Friday

Friday was a bust for my planned miracle (to make an appointment for a consultation for a tonsillectomy)... But, on a better note, I received my Service Excellence Award for work, along with a Visa Gift Card. I promptly went to the store to see if this dress I had been eyeing for weeks was still there...

******ONE... in my size***********

That, ladies.. is a miracle! :)

Miracle Week - Thursday

I'm holding on strong!!

Today I scheduled myself for yet another *sigh* doctor's appointment.

(have I mentioned I'm not a fan of going to the doctor??)

Anyway... after my physical, I was asked to come back in for some more preventative testing... Not enthused but, might as well get it over with and get on with it!

So.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED... for today. :)

For those of you wondering.. this one is set for July 13th.

One more day of Miracles... and i'm afraid the last day will be the worst one... ugh.

Miracle Week... Wednesday...

Rough day. But... Miracle for today...........(drum roll pleeeease)

ALL MY CLOTHES ARE PUT AWAY!!

Most of you who know me.. probably won't believe me... So.. here's proof! :)

Miracle Week

A buddy of mine and I have dubbed this week "Miracle Week" for me... Each day, I am completing a task that has been hanging over my head.

Monday- I consolidated my credit card debt to something convenient and manageable.

Today (Tuesday) - I made my appointment with Minnesota Allergy and Asthma Consultants to get tested for allergies. (I've had numerous food and seasonal allergy issues)

So far, it's been a good week! I'm not making any promises on what the rest of the week will bring, but I'm hoping to continue to complete at least one miracle a day!!

WOOHOO! :)

Perspective

Funny how situations of our own feel so huge and daunting until you listen to someone else's story... and quickly your problems seem quite minuscule. Thankful for perspectives today.

Just Words Today...

Confusing, floundering.

Seeking, hoping.

Refuge, safety.

Comfort, solace.

Whatcha complainin about???

Life isn’t so bad dear,
Take it from me… sittin’ here ,
Wishing I was somewhere other than....

Nowhere.

Thinkin....

Not entirely sure what is going on with me lately... I keep remembering all the bad things that I've gotten myself into... ei... friends, situations, places... But, I'm becoming more at peace with them... Not thinking they are okay, but just accepting that they happened and that they aren't anymore. Hoping that this will help me to get on with life and not wallow in my failures.. Weeeeeeee!! :)

~ugh~

Ya ever not want something so bad, you just can't live without it??

*P*H*O*T*O* *S*H*O*O*T*

Here are some of the highlights of the photo shoot that Karissa Wagner did with me in Minneapolis... :) Feel free to let me know which numbers you like best! :) Thanks!!!

What Do You Remember?

Special Meeting here today!

We were fed abundantly, but I clearly remember the first few words of a prayer... and can't get them out of my head.... "Hearken and obey" We also heard that we are thankful for the privileges of meetings, but we need to remember that with privilege comes responsibility. Also, that there is a message for all of us, and maybe we don't think that the message we are hearing is for us... But, we should heed to the messages for us.. So, I guess that from my privilege of Special Meeting today, those little words that won't leave my head might be my message... which leads to my responsibility to heed to my message... Hearken and obey...

Isn't it funny how things make so much sense?? (maybe it just makes sense to me... and then.. I guess it really is my message!) :) :)

Sometimes... it's the little things

I let go of yet another facebook/myspace type account. feels good.... i'm getting too old to be that connected with technology!! ha. :)

My Bestie

This girl is the bestest... :)

There aren't words to describe this most adorable couple... Or what they mean to me. Love you!

....and here it is....

This isn’t a suicide note, resignation letter or a short biography… It’s just a little tale of a young (yes, I’m admitting I’m young) girl’s struggle and some brilliant realizations about life and the people in it.

I have made a few friends in the past two years I’ve been here. Some have already moved on, others are on their way to better places and a few are still hanging around. But, there is one friend that I had before I moved here and we kind of lost touch. Over the course of some friendships here, I realized it was that friendship which I had let slide that really would have been a benefit to me the most. One thing that I had to learn the hard way (this seems to be a common trend with me) is that not everyone is going to be a good influence/friend. Yes, the most common sense thing since the world began… BUT… some of us (like me) tend to think that their own influence would out weight the bad influence around. Sometimes, that is the case… and others it’s not. With that said, I have a friend or two whom I have learned that I cannot, will not and do not like the influence they have on me. At first it seemed okay. Then, I found myself doing things that I don’t agree with and started to think that they were okay to do. I had some heartache, pride-ache and headaches. But, I now realize what on earth I was doing. I don’t want to and won’t let it happen again.

All in all, I have to be extremely thankful for a loving family and the world’s greatest roommates (that includes all of them I’ve had since I’ve moved up here). They have helped me to see what exactly I’m missing out on, and what exactly I’m not! J I’m thankful for their faithful lives and for their accepting of my wayward experiments and journeys. There are not words to express what each one of you has meant to me and done for me by just being there and not judging what I’ve done. Just being there, listening to me rant, watching me hibernate in my room and the greatest unspoken help… prayer. I know most of us would not be where we are right now if it wasn’t for those who have been faithful “on their knees.” Thank you.

That friend that I lost touch with… You all know who that is… Our only true and everlasting friend, Jesus. I just hope that this peace and these satisfying realizations won’t pass as another phase in my life, but start a new way of life… again. We all know every day is a struggle and the Lord knows I still have a few things to work through, a few people to distance, and a friendship to feed. But, I know where my strength to face those things comes from. Here’s to diligently seeking that daily.

Paralyzed

So, some of you know I've been having a time at life as of late.... Just like everyone else in the world, I know. In the past two weeks, there have been some incidents (good & bad) that have pulled me out of my coma, so to speak. I had the privilege to catch Eau Claire Special Meeting this past Sunday and I prayed that something there would just speak to me to let me know that God hadn't given up on me yet... As we know, "ask and ye shall receive" and I did... in abundance. One thing I heard there that has kept my spirits up since then is this... "Let today be the day that we stop being paralyzed by 'the giant' and we fight with God on our side and gain the victory."

I will blog more this week... so stay tuned. :)

CoLOrS

...... out of all the colors that you shine, this is surely not your best ......

Ya want it?

So, what if you've been accused of not knowing what you want... But, you do, in fact, know exactly what you want, but you don't want anyone to know that is what you want and you aren't ready to admit to anyone that you're wanting what that is? Yeah.. so then what?

Sillyness-necessities

So, story is Meg & I went on a hunt for a calendar for me... (I specifically stated, "I don't even care what it is... I NEED a calendar!!") So, off we went... and all to be found at Target was two... Jonas Brothers calendars... for a whopping $1.58. I tried to make an excuse, but Meg is good at holding me to my word... So, I brought it home and did some silly work with magazines.... here ya go!

Him

If all you are to me, is a reason to be what I need to be, that is fine with me.

*My thought for today*

Someone quoted today... "you can't defeat a girl in love" and I thought.. yup, that's right. But, for those of us that aren't in love... with anything, all it takes is a soft breath of air to send us flying.

um... yeah.

Feelings no words can express,
Leave me alone and feeling distressed.
Opening my heart,
Would only leave me falling apart.
Waiting, wishing, and wondering,
Can only leave me floundering.
So here I go,
Yeah, I’m a fool you know.